Paatu :')

 It's 29th August 2014, the household is up and bustling at 6 am. Two groggy girls are woken up and the tradition of going out with appa to buy the மண் பிள்ளையார், erukkam garlands, vibrant hued umbrellas, arugampul and walk through bigstreet watching people break open a 108 coconuts at the corner pillayar kovil while blasting prerecorded ganesha songs is taking place. By the time we get back home everything already looks festive and paati is seated on the kitchen floor with few large thambalams to hold the countless kozhakatai she is about to start making. Both myself and Sree set about creating as much trouble as we can in the name of helping her make them. Then we get dressed in pavadai and are made to sing all the ganesha songs we know from paatu class, while waiting for the pooja to get over quickly so that we can stuff ourselves with ammini/uppu kozhakatai and the poornam kept separately for us. Cut to thatha getting back from office and asking paati to distribute prasadam to all the worker annas and evenings spent going around the streets on a bike to see all the periya pillayars and eat sundal.

These fond memories rush to my head today when I embark on making those kozhakatais (for the first time) in a more edible format than 8 years ago, in a kitchen where both paati and amma are missing at present (amma having gone to ashram for a longer period). I remember how finicky I was if there was too thick a layer of rice flour around the jaggery-coconut filling, or if there were cracks in the layer/ the filling too less and cut to trying my best to meet those standards while making them myself. 

                                                 Overloaded the tray and forgot to keep banana leaf for steaming 😅

The experience took me back to all the memories I've had with paati in the kitchen making us food of all sorts and how a food based enriching, loving experience we shared as a family. All meals were eaten together and she would always have some bite when we came back from school and birthdays, festivals, occasions were all celebrated with her making our favourite dishes to indulge in. Many are known for their green thumbs while she was known for her large heart and open kitchen. Any day you randomly step into the house, the woman would be on her toes to feed you till you pop. 

In retrospection, my own habit of baking/ cooking for the people I love or calling friends over for meals is a habit I've picked from her majorly. The very process is satisfying and lets you bond in a way words can't really express. Today's cooking particularly had me praying to her to help me through a seemingly simple process that wasn't so in real time. Paati used to tell us about her early introduction into the kitchen to help our kollupaati with shrardha samayal at the age of 13. I know for a fact that even now many people dread making the traditional spread on days of rituals for the ancestors while she single handedly could make the entire course within a year's time. In most cases, the bride to be isn't allowed into the kitchen, lest some accident take place before the wedding but then again paati made all of the sweets in her seeru herself much to the surprise of her in-laws. During her married life from the age of 19, she was the queen of the kitchen, scores of friends, family, workers, acquaintances, pujaris and children have eaten her cooking for long periods. Thatha would organize multiple events and celebrate all festivals through the year by distributing sweets, savories and meals prepared by paati and every Friday we had Laitha Sahasranama Strotram and pooja for 30 years where the prasadam made by her would be distributed to 20 odd people. Relentlessly she has served with no restrain or thought about the outcome, with love and compassion in the true spirit of a Karma Yogi.

After Pongal/Diwali celebrations

Paati has played a major role in shaping our lives, in making us who we are today: but it was done subtly and requires a lot of reflection to recognize the impact of her presence in our formative years. She never told us what to do, how to do, she just lived her life in the best possible way given her limitations and circumstances and let us watch, observe and grow with her. Teaching by example was the only way, interspersed with the occasional admonition and extra long bear hugs. She was our solace and the foundation of our home, without whom it took a while to readjust and grow around the missing space she had occupied. The hearth did seem empty for a good while and even now the warmth and glow remind us of her at all times. 

At the communal kitchen in ashram

One of the distributions during 2016 flood relief

She was happiest when she could contribute in someway to make a person feel better and her love language was food. An empty stomach is the root of most temper tantrums and emotional fluctuation according to her, which makes absolute sense. Calming, nourishing, simple and easy to digest food makes for the same qualities reflected in the mind, we are afterall a product of the food we eat. I will close this narrative with a particular incident that shows how she really didn't care about who you were- a beggar, a labourer, maid, grandchild or spouse would be extended the same concern at the dining table.

Seen questioning Swami Niranjan about his food habits

When we had visited ashram as a group in 2016 while Swamiji was engaged in his panchagni sadhana

 (surrounded by 4 fires around him and the 5th is the sun on top), all of us simply talked about our own life events and looked for guidance. Paati alone interrogated him about whether or not he could source coconut water for cooling his body during the sadhana and whether he was looking after himself sufficiently well to be able to deal with the intense heat generated due to the penance. It was a moment of wonder and a lesson for all of us to remember and be non-self centered. More stories on paati to continue as and when the lessons present themselves through life events. 

Till then, Happy Vinayaka Chaturthi and more happy, full tummies to all of you 💫💫